guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
