Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Randomize
