i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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