I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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