she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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