Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Terrible idea I love it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
