Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
