I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
