Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
