I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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