RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
