so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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