ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
