i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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