The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
