I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
