You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
