So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I look better un-naked...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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