are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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