I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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