I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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