I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
