she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
