And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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