is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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