I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize