I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
