i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
