The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize