Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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