would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
