I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
