This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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