Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
