You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
