So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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