awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
