Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
