Pappa wants mamma naked
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
