No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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