we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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