we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
