you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
