i don't like sucking hair
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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