i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
