I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
