It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
