one might say we're banned from that church
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
