Pappa wants mamma naked
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
