Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
