There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
