dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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