Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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