Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
