All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
