im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
