I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
