happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
