I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am midnight drunk by noon
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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