Swine flu. Run for my life!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
