This dress was meant to end up on your floor
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
