I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
