Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
