Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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