when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
