I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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