She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
