Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
