Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
